"Parent"dox: When Your Baby Sister is All Grown Up

Sunday Night "Parent"dox #26:  When Your Baby Sister is All Grown Up

Tomorrow is my baby sister's birthday, which makes tonight her "Birthday Eve."  

Tonight, we celebrated her birthday at her house eating pizza, cupcakes and decorating pumpkins.

While we were driving home, it hit me in very strange way...my baby sister is all grown up.  

We were at her house, with her and her husband, with a yummy dinner and fun activities for my kids to do while we there, and her adorable, sweet daughter smiling and being cuddled through all of it.

She is all grown up.  I don't know exactly when it happened, but it happened.  She is all grown up.  And even though my 13-year-old self would never, ever believe I'd ever be saying this, she turned out pretty awesome.  

For her birthday, I'm sharing the speech I gave at her wedding reception just under 3 years ago.  

Happy Birthday, Baby Sis!  I love you!! ****************************************************************************************
What an amazing day for two amazing people!  The reception looks amazing, and the ceremony was beautiful.  Now you know, Katie, Brian has had to listen to you and agree with you a lot during this whole wedding planning process.  So don't worry if Brian doesn't listen to you or agree with you after today...you do realize that you are allowed to have 15 more husbands. I even heard Father Andy say so at the ceremony today. Remember? FOUR better, FOUR worse, FOUR richer, and FOUR poorer!!  (Although I do think he is THE BEST and only ONE you will ever need!

It’s hard to believe my “little sister’s” wedding day is here!  Growing up, I think we disagreed just that one time...or maybe more than once...I don't exactly remember, but I do remember both Mom and Dad telling us "You only have one sister.  You better work it out.  Someday, she will be your best friend!"  I remember rolling my eyes and mumbling lots of things under my breath more than once about that mantra as it was drilled into our heads.  I also remember thinking "I only have one sister....THANK GOD!" on more than one occasion.  

And it started early!  Like when you were born, and came home from the hospital and I asked if you could spend the night at our house…then asked the very next day if Mom and Dad could PLEASE take you back now.  And I thought THANK GOD I only have one sister when we were playing catch in the basement, and instead of catching the ball, you decided to duck, and the softball shattered the window.  And I thought THANK GOD I only have one sister when we attacked each other with markers, covering each other from head to toe, in the battle that came to be know in our house simply as “Marker Wars.” 

And I hate to say it, but this has to be music to Mom and Dad's ears:  You were right.....YES, MOM AND DAD, YOU…WERE…RIGHT, My little sister has indeed become my best friend.  A lot has changed in the 28 years we've spent together, but my thought is still the same...THANK GOD I have one sister.  I THANK GOD for giving me the gift of a sister and best friend.  

Someone who is smart, hilarious, beautiful, both inside and out, who will laugh with me, cry with me, listen to me, tell me the truth, not just what I want to hear, and be there for me for always.  THANK GOD I have a sister who is the one person who has truly gone through life with me, the ups and the downs, and understands things about who I am and why I am a little bit crazy, in a way no one else can.  THANK GOD I have a sister who knows what I am thinking without exchanging words, just exchanging a glance.  THANK GOD I have a sister to call, or who can call me, when no one else understands what's going on.  THANK GOD I have a sister who let me (well, I guess "let me" is a relative term...) boss her around teaching her dances and making her do "shows", a sister who will help wrap a Christmas gift at 2am by throwing it in a box with a blanket and brick, a sister who will create masterpieces out of Triscuits and Easy Cheese.  And now seeing my children begin to play with each other, interact with each other, and love each other, I THANK GOD even more I had a sister and I realize a relationship with a sibling is not one to be taken for granted.

Today, I THANK GOD again, but this time for the amazing man He has chosen as my "little sister's" husband.  Brian, welcome to our crazy family, and good luck. From the time you and Katie started dating...again...I think we have ALL been hoping and praying this day would come! (And it actually arrived a week sooner than we originally thought...even better.)

You are a man of character and integrity, and you get my sister (yup, after today she's all yours....)  No, really, you GET my sister, and it warms my heart to know she is marrying a man who sees her and loves her for who she really is.  She is so happy, and is completely and totally herself, when she is with you.  She has a twinkle in her eye, a bounce in her step, and genuine happiness in her laugh since you came into her life.   I also THANK GOD for the incredible family Katie is joining today.  They are an amazing family, who are caring, hilarious and will keep a good eye on her.  They have been nothing but welcoming to her and our entire family.  It truly feels like today is a union of not just two people, but two families. 

Katie, I haven't told you nearly enough, but I have always looked up to you.  I know I'm the big sister, and I was the one who was supposed to be "teaching you things" but I feel like I have learned far more from you than I ever taught you.  I have always been amazed by your ability to make the best of any situation, your ability to put other people at ease, your ability to go with the flow, and your incredible talent to make people laugh.  You speak your mind and say the things that need to be said, and you do it with humor and grace.  You are so very outgoing, and you have the kind of magnetic personality that people are drawn to.  You never cease to amaze me.  You make me laugh whenever we are together.  

You have been so many things to so many people: daughter, granddaughter, sister, niece, cousin, aunt, sister-in-law, friend, fiancée, manager; and today you take on new roles....bride, wife, daughter-in-law.  You have handled these roles with kindness, commitment and love, and I know as you will continue to do so now as you begin this new chapter of life.  It is an honor to be standing next to you today, and it is an honor to see you marry your best friend in the same dress that I married my best friend in 6 1/2 years ago. 

Katie and Brian, it is simply awesome to around the two of you together.  You demonstrate that "once in a lifetime" kind of love and friendship that is rare and beautiful.  You bring out the best in one another, and support and encourage one another. It is so exciting to think about what your future together holds (hopefully lots of cousins for my kids....I'm just sayin'....) and the many lives you will both continue to touch and uplift.  

There will be tough times, and it won't always be easy, but take a minute and look around this room.  Look at all of the family and friends that are here in this room, and think of those family and friends that are here with you in spirit today, including angel Grandmas and Grandpas.  We are all here for you, in both good times and in bad times, to support you along your journey, and encourage you when times do get tough.  First and foremost, you have God, you have one another, but always remember, you have all of us.  You are never, NEVER alone.  You are both so very, very loved, today and always. 

So if you'll raise your glasses, I think it is fitting to close with this Irish Wedding Blessing:  May God be with you and bless you.  May you see your children's children.  May you be poor in misfortunes and rich in blessings.  May you know nothing but happiness from this day forward.

Slainte!

*******************************************************************************************************

To my baby sister, You Are a Good Mom.  You Are an Amazing Mom.  You Are an Incredible Mom.  I still THANK GOD that you are my sister, my children's aunt, and my niece's mom.  

*******************************************************************************************************

If you haven't already, be sure to stop by and check out the "You're a Good Mom" page on Facebook.  "Like" it and any new blog posts will be delivered right to your news feed!  Thanks!!

"Parent"dox: Exact Same Parents, Totally Different Kids

Sunday Night "Parent"dox #10: Exact Same Parents, Totally Different Kids
Tonight I pose for you an age old question...

How can children born to the exact same parents be such totally different kids?

I have two children: one son, one daughter.  They were born to the same parents.  They have grown up in the same house.  They definitely look like siblings.  (I was recently asked if they were twins.  Yes, they are.  They were just born 22 months apart.)  But they could not be any more different from one another.

I suppose it all started with their arrivals to this great big world.  (The only commonality being that I was past my due date with both of them...)  

With my son, I was induced, spent the day in labor and we got to see his sweet little face just before midnight.  This totally fits him, as he is our planner, our thinker, our observer, and our "take my time to make sure I've got it right" kid.  

With my daughter, I went in to labor on my own, was in the delivery room for a few very short hours, and we got to meet her precious little self just after noon.  This, too, totally fits her, as she is our active, funny, outgoing, "I want to do it all myself and do it all now" kid.  

A couple little vignettes to further illustrate my point...

Easter Eggs
The Saturday after Easter, our kids both wandered into our bedroom very early in the morning.  Not to do anything without asking first, my son pleaded with us "Can we please have an Easter egg treat while we are playing?"  Being the amazing mom I am and not wanting to drag myself out of bed yet, I told them yes, they could each have one Easter egg treat.  I figured this would buy me at least 10 more minutes of peace and quiet.  

About 5 minutes later, my son came wandering back into our room.  "Mom, Morgan opened 3 Easter egg treats!!"  Sure, there was the pure joy in tattling on a sibling, but there was also most definitely shock and awe in his voice as he was sharing this news with us.  For him, this incident was unbelievable because this was not 'the rule' that was given, and it needed to be fixed.  Like right now.  In yet another stellar parenting move, my solution was to tell him this:  "Ok, you can have 2 more eggs.  Tell your sister she may not open any more egg treats."  He countered with "But Mom, you said only 1 egg!"  Kid, you are missing your golden opportunity here....

At this point, my daughter must have realized she was getting ratted out, because she came toddling in.  I asked her if she opened 3 Easter egg treats.  "Yes, I did."  Hey, at least she's honest.  "You may not have any more Easter egg treats.  Do you understand?"  Silence, then:  "Um...yeah...I'll just open one more, OK?"

One thinks rules were made to determine every single action that takes place in this world.  One thinks rules are merely guidelines, made to be bent as much as humanly possible and used only as a reference.

Preschool Drop Off
My son truly loves preschool.  We've been blessed with a great school, great friends in his class, and two truly great teachers.  However, during the first week of school, we had one day that was a tough drop off.  The single commonality between my children on this given occasion?  Tears. 

When I had to leave, my son was in his classroom, in tears, because he didn't want to stay and wanted to come with me.  There was a lot of "new" in that room -- new teachers, new kids, new toys, new expectations.  It was all just a bit overwhelming for him.  

My daughter was in tears, because she wanted to stay at preschool and didn't want to come home with "just" mom.  There was a lot of "new" in that room -- new teachers, new kids, new toys, new expectations.  It was fun and exciting and an adventure to be tackled, and was very intriguing for her.

From the foods they eat to the things that make them laugh to way they react to consequences to the way they play, they are totally different kids.

'Different' Doesn't Mean 'Less'
Do I love them the same?

Absolutely not.

Let me repeat that: absolutely not.

My kids are totally different people, with totally different personalities and totally different needs.  I love them in completely different ways.  Over the last few years, I have learned that what works well with one of my kids can blow up in my face with the other one.  This seems to be true with just about everything from discipline to positive encouragement to even just playing or goofing around with them.

So no, I don't love my kids the same.  

It doesn't mean I love one more than the other.  That would literally be impossible, as my love for each of them is bigger than anything in this world.  It doesn't mean one gets away with more than the other.  It simply means I love them very differently for the very different people they are.  What one needs, the other doesn't.  What encourages one, can sometimes discourage the other.  What helps one, can sometimes hinder the other.  I love them both with every cell in my being, but I love them differently.

My kids are not strangers to fighting with one another, as siblings often do.  They know just how to push each others' buttons, in a way only a sibling knows how.  It is my hope and prayer, though, that by celebrating their differences and loving them differently, and not comparing them or trying to get them to be "the same" when they are so clearly not, that someday they will be able to acknowledge, respect and even appreciate each other's differences.  I hope that by loving them differently, they will learn to love themselves for the unique people they are, and cherish those special qualities that make them, them.

My Sister and I...
I feel very lucky that my parents did this for my sister and I.  We are unbelievably, ridiculously different, and have been for as long as I can remember.  Did we fight and push each other's buttons?  Pretty much every single day that we both lived under the same roof.  Was my go to line as a kid 'My life was good until you were born!'?  Perhaps.  (Did she *my younger sister* try to use that line on me?  Did it then just make me laugh and then make her even more upset?  Most definitely yes.)  

But now that we are adults, I see so many characteristics in her that I wish I had more of in me...

...her "go with the flow" attitude
...the way she handles stress with ease and grace 
...her knowledge of anything hair, fashion or make-up related (I will undoubtedly be sending my daughter to her when she is old enough to start asking questions about any of these topics.)
...her ability to not worry about what other people think
...her creative, outside-the-box approach to solving any problem that comes her way
...her know-how about all things technology
...how she can confidently speak her mind and share her feelings

These are areas that I struggle with myself, but I am fortunate enough to get a front row seat to watch an expert and learn from her.  I am so thankful our parents did not try to fit us into the same mold; that we each got to be our own person and grow and succeed in our own, different ways.

Night and Day
So yes, my children are night and day different.

One of my children cries about having messy hands, and the other one loves to dig in the dirt.  

One of my children snuggles up with every single stuffed animal in our entire house at bedtime, and the other one doesn't even want a blanket when it comes times for bed.  

One of my children cannot rest until every possible speck of frosting has been devoured from a cupcake, and the other one can walk away from a half-eaten bowl of ice cream without a second thought.

And no, I wouldn't have it any other way.  I love them both like crazy.  Each in their own different way.

Your kids might be cut from the same cloth.  Your kids might be polar opposites.  You might have one child, who is their own unique, amazing person.  However their own little (or big!) personalities are developing, you are there, loving them, every step of the way. You Are a Good Mom.

*******************************************************************************************************
If you haven't already, be sure to stop by and check out the "You're a Good Mom" page on Facebook.  "Like" it and any new blog posts will be delivered right to your news feed!  Thanks!

Thoughts On Becoming an Aunt

Happy One Week Birthday, Baby Hazel!!

One week ago today, I was waiting for the arrival of my beautiful niece.  It recently came to my attention that while I wrote about the waiting part, I never updated anyone on the arrival part. Just in case you were worried, my sister has not been in labor for the past 7 days.  She did, indeed, have her sweet baby girl!  

My niece was actually born about 30 minutes after I published my post about waiting.  I think it was her way of saying "This is the first of many, many times I will prove you wrong.  Go ahead and write about waiting, but I'm actually on my way here right now.  Just remember, I'm the one calling the shots here, Aunt Carrie."

I know I'm only a week into this whole aunt gig, but so far, it's pretty awesome.  Some of my "new aunt thoughts" thus far...

1. For every time I've had to say "no" to my own children, I will get to say "yes" a bazillion times over to my niece.
2. I will have a little girl to spoil ridiculously with all kinds of tiny outfits and barrettes and shoes and dresses and socks and tights and...
3. I can give her as many cookies as she wants at family Christmas before I get busted by her parents.
4. I get to hold and cuddle and rock a tiny little bundle of joy, but I also get to sleep at night.  (This may not actually be as true in real life as it is in theory.  My almost 3-year-old is having night terrors nearly every night, so there is not much sleep happening at our house right now.  But, I am not waking up to feed a baby, so there's that...)
5. I get to teach my niece lots of new things.  This makes me especially excited when I think back to all the things my sister has taught her niece and nephew.  My children now refer to "barking spiders" every time any type of wind escapes their little buns.  They also point out every single possible combination of blue and maize they can find, even to the extent that my son refused to eat two orange and brown M & M's I gave him because they were "not Michigan colors, Mom!"  Oh, how I cannot wait to teach my niece new things, too!
6. I can defer to her parents when she fills her diaper, spits up everywhere or needs to eat.
7. For the first time in 5 years, there will be a little one that I can play with and laugh with and dance with all I want, but don't have to be accountable for handling any crying, whining, arguing or disobeying.  (Don't worry, Katie, I'm sure she won't do any of those things.  Ever.  Purely hypothetical...)

I'm actually considering having a t-shirt created that says:

"Aunt:  All of the fun, none of the responsibility!" 

Let me know what size and color you would like yours printed in.

In all honesty, though, I am over-the-moon excited to walk alongside my sister in this grand adventure of parenting.  I am eager to support and help and be there for her, my brother-in-law and niece every step of the way.  I am excited for her to experience all that Motherhood has to offer.  She may have moments and experiences that intersect with mine; but I know her journey will also be full of moments and experiences that are entirely hers.  I am lucky that I will get to learn from her for years and years to come.

Throughout my sister's pregnancy,  I had a lot of "aunt" thoughts.  I thought about meeting my niece for the very first time.  I thought about holding her, snuggled in my arms.  I thought I had this whole "aunt" thing pretty well figured out.  I had already been down the Mom road and had two children of my own...how much different could this "aunt" thing really be?

But come time find out, there was also a lot that I didn't think about until that moment when life changed for our entire family at 2:05pm last Friday. 

I didn't think it was possible to be so proud of my little sister.

I didn't think it would be so so hard to say goodbye when it came time to leave and head back home, 3 hours away.

I didn't think I could be so much in love with someone else's baby.

I didn't think seeing my niece in an outfit my daughter wore when she was only days old would transport me back in time so quickly. 

I didn't think I would love talking about all things baby and mom-related with my sister, especially the "no one else will tell you this or discuss this with you unless you are sisters" stuff.

I didn't think about the gift it would be to watch my own parents be grandparents all over again.

I didn't think about how I would feel even closer with my sister when she stepped into the role of "mom" herself.  

I didn't think becoming an aunt would change my heart, my life, in the ways it already has.

You Are a Good Mom, even when you're not "the" mom.  Loving every single moment of being an aunt!  

*******************************************************************************************************
If you haven't already, be sure to stop by and check out the "You're a Good Mom" page on Facebook.  "Like" it and any new blog posts will be delivered right to your news feed!  Thanks!

The Waiting Game

I have never been very good at waiting.  

Christmas can never come soon enough.  

I don't love sitting through previews before a movie starts (well, at least from what I remember from going to a movie at an actual movie theater in a previous life...)  

Calling Comcast and being on hold for eternity is my least favorite activity, right behind going to the Secretary of State's Office to renew my license.  

On the rare occasion my fingernails have nail polish on them, it is most definitely smudged because I can't seem to sit still quite long enough for them to dry.  

It is not unusual for me to burn my mouth on a fresh-from-the-campfire marshmallow because I can't wait for it to cool down to a temperature that measures less than the surface of the sun.

I'm sure this is not news to anyone.  I mean, really, who in their right mind really enjoys waiting? 

No one.  That's who.

So why am I writing the most obvious, unenlightened post in the history of the world?

Because I am right smack dab in the middle of one of the hardest "waits" of my life.  And it was either write this post or wear a path in the carpet.  So write it is.

I am sitting in the waiting room at the hospital just a few doors down from the room where my little sister is in labor.  She is resting right now, with her incredible, supportive husband by her side.  And we are all waiting.

I needed something to keep my mind busy, to keep my hands busy, and writing something seemed like the best option.  That, coupled with the fact that I have no handiwork talents, such as knitting, sewing, cross-stitch, origami or basket weaving, so typing it is.

I am well aware that my sister is the one doing all the work here.  Really, I should not even mention the word waiting, as she has been waiting 9 long months for this day to arrive.  (But she has no idea I'm even writing this right now, so I guess I can just go for it.  Sorry, sister, who is probably reading this while feeding your sweet baby girl in the middle of the night 5 days from now when you actually have a chance to read this...)  

The anticipation and process of getting down here today is probably not helping this whole "waiting" business, either.  My sister lives 3 hours away from me, and throughout her entire pregnancy I have hoped and prayed for above all, a safe delivery, but a close second was my hope and prayer that I would be able to be there when my sister was in labor and when my niece was born.  Babies are cute and adorable and lovable, but predictable on time of arrival?  Not so much.  Being out of town and having 2 little ones of my own, I didn't know if that would be a possibility.  

But it is.  I am here.  I am feeling beyond blessed to be here.  If I have to wait, I am glad I get to do it here.  I am glad I get to be a part of this day.  Even it involves lots of waiting.

Waiting. 

Waiting to meet my niece.

Waiting to hold her in my arms for the first time.

Waiting to hug my sister and brother-in-law.

Waiting to watch their first precious moments of Parenthood unfold.

Waiting for our family to grow once again.

Waiting to snap pictures that capture moments of a day that will be remembered forever.

Waiting for the memories and stories of this day that will be told over and over and over again in the years to come.

Waiting...

My amazing, strong, incredible sister, You Are a Good Mom.  You are so very close to holding your baby girl, kissing her sweet face, and cherishing this amazing little person who is the very best parts of you and the very best parts of Brian all wrapped up in one perfect little bundle.  I love all 3 of you with my whole heart!

What Not to Say to a Mom When She is 8.99 Months Pregnant

Today marks my little sister's due date with her first baby.  I -- along with my sister, brother-in-law, and both families -- am beyond excited to meet this sweet little bundle of joy.  My neice-to-be, however, has not decided to make her grand entrance into this world just yet.  

My heart goes out to my sister.  

Both of my babies were born past their due dates.  Every day past my due date seemed like a week.  To add insult to injury, every single thing someone asked me or told me related to having that baby seemed like the most annoying, insulting thing I'd ever heard in my life.  To the credit of the people making these comments, they were in no way actually annoying or insulting at all.  On the contrary, they were loving and supporting and comforting.  However, when I was just ready to not be pregnant any more and my hormones were raging and I pretty much couldn't do anything except eat chocolate ice cream, every last word seemed spiteful.

With that in mind, and in honor of my sister and all Moms who have gone past their due dates the world over, here it is...

A Guide for What Not to Say to a Mom When She is 8.99 months Pregnant  

All the comments below may appear innocent enough upon first glance, but be warned.  Keep your audience in mind:  A woman who is carrying around a full-grown baby and would love nothing more than to have a glass of wine, some sushi and a whole bunch of Feta cheese.  

This handy little guide may just save your life someday.  File it away for safe keeping.

[The responses below do not reflect the view of my sister or my current self.  They belong solely to my "past due date self" from years ago.  This "past due date self" claims responsibility for all responses in italics, and the level of snarkiness contained therein.  It is quite possible that these responses have become even more snarky by being bottled up all these years.  I suppose writing this blog post was cheaper than therapy, though.  My profound apologies.  From my "past due date self," of course.] 

"When are you due?"
Does it really matter?  I obviously have not had this baby yet, so "due date" no longer means anything.  I am "past due."  I am thinking of collecting some sort of fine from my doctor.  The library does it, and that's just for some stinkin' book.  I have been focused on that due date for 9 months now.  I think my doctor may have arbitrarily picked a date and given it to me as some experimental form of torture.  No, I don't want to talk about it.  No, I don't want to discuss it.  Unless you're getting me chocolate ice cream, please leave me alone.

"Didn't you have that baby yet?"
Yes, as a matter of fact I did.  I just loved hauling around a watermelon for the last few months so very much that I stuck one up my shirt and I'm continuing to waddle around just for fun now.  And my newborn baby is in the nursery at the hospital.  And I'm at the mall.  Thanks for asking.

"I had all my babies 2 weeks early!"
Great news for you.  Sucks for me.  Unless you're getting me chocolate ice cream, please leave me alone.

"Just enjoy these last few days before your baby arrives."
I would love to, but I can no longer "enjoy" anything, including walking, sleeping or breathing.  The thing that I want more than anything in this world is to meet my child.  Enjoying anything but chocolate ice cream right now is physically impossible.

"I'm sure that baby will arrive before you know it!"
No, it won't.  I will definitely "know it."  "Before I know it" would have been 2 weeks ago or even 2 days ago.  That ship has sailed.  We have now moved into "I know it" and are getting dangerously close to "After I know it."

"My {friend/sister/cousin/co-worker/any other random person pregnant mom doesn't know} just had her baby yesterday!"
Great news for them.  Sucks for me.  Unless you're getting me chocolate ice cream, please leave me alone.

"Your baby must just be so very cozy in your tummy they just don't want to come out!"
Yup, I'm sure that's exactly what it is.  My uterus is so awesome at comforting my unborn child, they may just stay in there until they graduate from high school.  Or college.  At least that's what it feels like to me.  Therefore, I am cancelling their cable, disconnecting their Internet and delivering an eviction notice to my little tenant.  I may even bribe my baby with chocolate ice cream as their first meal when they do finally arrive.  By the way, could you go get me some chocolate ice cream?

A Guide for What to Say to a Mom When She is 8.99 Months Pregnant

"Let me get you a second bowl of chocolate ice cream."

Yup, I think that pretty much covers it for that section.

Whether your child was early, late, or right on time, You Are a Good Mom.  

*******************************************************************************************************
If you haven't already, be sure to stop by and check out the "You're a Good Mom" page on Facebook.  "Like" it and any new blog posts will be delivered right to your news feed!  Thanks!

Dodging a Bullet

My husband and I narrowly dodged a bullet the other night.  Make that a speeding bullet.

We were knee-deep in the bedtime routine, (which, of course, is when most speeding bullets go whizzing by at our house...how is it that kids know just when to time these things?) smack dab between brushing teeth and reading bedtime stories.  Somehow, all 4 of us were in the hallway outside the kids' bedrooms and my 4-year-old looked up at us with his quizzical look that means he is thinking.
  
"Where do babies?..."

(Pause.  Husband and I exchange glance.)

"Babies come..."

(Pause.  Husband and I collectively hold our breath.)

"Babies are born at the doctor, right?"

(Tension lifts.  Sighs of relief.  Husband and I exchange knowing smile.)

My younger sister is pregnant right now with her first baby, so there has been lots of talk around our house about our kids' new baby cousin and when she will arrive and when they will get to hold her.

(Please excuse my scatterbrained-ness and all the interruptions in this post.  I am just laughing as I am writing this because I can picture my sister reading it and saying "So this is my fault, too?  You're pinning this one on me?  You spilling the juice on the carpet and telling Mom it was me wasn't enough?"  As the older sister, I may have been known to blame a thing or two on my younger sister.  This "blame claim", however, cannot and has not been corroborated.  I plead the Fifth.  And dear sister, I am not blaming you, simply laying out the case for why babies have been a major topic of conversation in our house as of late and why your nephew may have been asking this question in the first place.) 

So yes, lots of baby talk at our house lately, and this time, we were able to dodge the mother of all bullets.  I know this is not over.  I know the "big one" will come up again.  I only hope I will not look as though I have been hit with an actual bullet when he does inquire further.  I hope I am able to provide him with just enough information to answer exactly what he is asking at that moment in time and not stumble into any other "land mine" topics while trying to provide answers.

Which leads me to my next dodged bullet...

However, this story only involves my child as a supporting player, not the main character.  The main character will remain nameless to protect the innocent, but for the sake of the story, you need to know this:

Big Kid = 5 years old; not my child; has sibling of different gender
Baby = my son (2 months old at the time)

The conversation between the Big Kid and I occurred while we were both looking at my son's birth announcement.  It went something like this...

BK: "How did you know when the baby would be born?"

Me:  "The doctors told us a due date.  That is their best guess for when they think the baby will be born."

BK:  "Hmm."  (Pauses.  Accepts that answer, and continues thinking.)  "How did you know what you were gonna name the baby?"

Me:  "Well, we didn't know for sure if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl, so we had a couple of names picked out, and decided on his name at the hospital."

BK:  "Hmm."  (Pauses.  Accepts that answer, and continues thinking.)  "So when did you find out he was a boy?" 

(I'm pretty sure this is when I was trying to hide the sheer look of terror that was creeping across my face.  Please remember, this was not my child.  My child could not yet speak, so I had no experience with this whole Big Kid questioning/thinking/responding thing.  This Big Kid did have a sibling of a different gender, I silently reasoned to myself while trying to play it totally cool, maybe BK knew about this stuff.  Then again, this was not my child, and this felt somewhat out of my realm.  What to do, what to do.  I knew I should have worn my Kevlar vest today.  I went with the only weapon I had...put it back on BK.) 

Me:  "How do you think we knew when he was a boy?" 

BK:  "Well, when you saw he had hair!" 

Me:  "Yes, yes...that was it!  When we saw he had hair we knew we had a son and that's when we picked his name."

So, yes, I may have lied to a 5-year-old.  I admit it.  Sue me.  But I figured at that point, I had provided just enough information to answer BK's line of questioning, without providing too much.

All joking aside, I pray each day that my husband and I are building the type of relationship with both of our children where they will come to us with these tough questions as they grow up.  I want them to trust us and feel comfortable to approach us with their wonderings.  I hope they will turn to us, and we will be able to have open, honest conversations about their big questions, no matter how initially uncomfortable for us...or them.  

When you are faced with the toughest of questions, You Are a Good Mom.  
When you have none of the answers, You Are a Good Mom.  
When you do have the answers, but aren't quite sure how to deliver them, You Are a Good Mom.
When your kids trust you and come to you with those tough questions, You Are a Good Mom.
When you engage in meaningful dialogue with your child, You Are a Good Mom.  
When you figure out how to explain where babies come from, You Are a Good Mom.  (And then please call me and let me exactly know how you went about this conversation...)
*********************************************************************************************
Wondering what began all this blogging craziness?  Check out my first post for the back story on "You're a Good Mom" if you're curious.

I am a Mom of Big Kids

I came to a somewhat startling realization the other day.

I am a Mom of Big Kids.

Now, before we get too far, I am well aware that at ages 2 1/2 and 4 1/2, my kiddos are still "little kids" in the big picture of childhood.  They still need my help to button their pants and brush their hair and cut their food for them at meal time.  I guess the "startling" part of my realization was more clearly this...

I am no longer a Mom of a Baby.

It happened when I stumbled into a conversation in which a group of Moms were talking about baby led weaning.  I had absolutely no idea what they were referring to.  I knew what 'baby' meant.  I was good with 'led.' And I had (what I thought) was a fairly good understanding of 'weaning.'  Put those three words together, though, and I was clueless.  Was this actually a "thing?"  I actually had to Google it later to find out what it was because 1.) in general, I am a curious person and 2.) I didn't want to feel "out of the (baby) loop" any more.  And yes.  It is a "thing."  Very much so.  

This was the first time I had been totally blindsided by something related to being a Mom of a Baby.  My own kids are only 22 months apart, so I felt like we went from one just on his way to Toddler Town, and then jumped right back into BabyVille again.  For the most part, when topics related to being a Mom of a Baby came up, I could relate and generally knew what people were talking about.  Even if it wasn't something I did with my own baby, I was at least aware of the topic, or had vaguely heard of whatever was being discussed.  This time, however, I had no clue.  I knew the day would come when I wasn't a citizen of BabyVille any more, but nonetheless, it felt like it snuck up on me a little bit.

It dawned on me again in talking about baby registry stuff with my sister.  I was finding out just how much had changed in the world of baby gear since I had my son.  There is a new "must have" bottle, stroller styles are different and you can't find a drop-down side crib anywhere.  (This will make me feel extra old...many of you reading this don't even know what that is...) The things I had used were still on the shelves, but were no longer the "it" items.  There was a time when I felt like I was "in the know" about baby gear and gadgets.  I now feel like I'm more "around the know" ... or maybe "adjacent to the know" ... or perhaps "down the street from the know."  A lot of the stuff is basically the same, but the amount of change in what Moms of babies are using now had the same thoughts entering my brain...

I am no longer the Mom of a Baby.

I have to admit, it did make me sad.  For a minute. I have so many precious memories wrapped up in those first weeks and months with my kiddos!  I loved being the Mom of a Baby.  

I loved having a sleeping baby curled up on my chest.  I loved their teeny, tiny little fingers and toes.  I loved the look of wonder on their faces when they discovered those fingers were theirs...and {gasp!}...they could actually control them.  I loved the smell of all things baby.  (Well, maybe not all things, but you get the picture.)  I loved their little baby fat rolls on top of baby fat rolls.  I loved those first few smiles.  I loved being the Mom of a Baby.

But that sad feeling really was just for a minute, because I have come to realize that...

I love being the Mom of Big Kids, too.

My 4 1/2 year old has just learned how to play checkers.  It is amazing to sit and play a game with him and see his little wheels turning as he plans where his next move will be.  He gleefully instructs "King me!" when he reaches my end of the board.  He smiles and tells me "I'm coming after your kings, Mom!" as the game reaches the end.  He is looking and talking more and more like a Big Kid.  And even though it's hard to see my baby growing up some days, I remind myself it's OK. 

 It's better than OK, actually. It's amazing.
  
Our family can play a game of Memory together.  We can go catch a movie at an actual movie theater together (as long as said movie is animated...under 90 minutes...but I'll take it).  We can go from one adventure to the next (please note, 'adventures' at this point in life refer to Meijer, the mall or the library, for the most part), and not have to worry about who has to nap when or what time the next feeding will be.  We can leave for the afternoon and not bring half of our house with us.  

My kids tell me jokes now.  (They are still more like statements at this point, but in their mind, they are jokes).  My kids draw pictures for me now.  My kids sing Disney songs to me now.  They are becoming their own little selves, and I get a front row seat to watch it all unfold.  

I know the time will fly.  I know all to soon, I'll be realizing I'm the Mom of School Age Kids.  Of Teenagers.  Of College Kids.  Of Married Kids.  Of Grandkids.  

For now, I'm going to fondly remember being the Mom of a Baby, and revisit those days through pictures, stories and memories. 

For now, I'm going to celebrate being a Mom of Big Kids.  I think I hear another game of checkers calling my name...

Whether you are currently a Mom of a Baby or just remember being one, You Are a Good Mom.  Whatever stage of motherhood you are in, embrace it and enjoy it.  (Moms of teenagers, my heart goes out to you all.  Please take notes so you can tell me what to do when I get there!)  Live in the moment of every stage, as they fly by much too quickly.  As you look back on the end of one phase, look ahead to the new adventures that lie in the next.  Through them all, rest assured that indeed, You Are a Good Mom.

"Parent"dox: My Biggest Enemy Becomes my Best Friend

***************************************************************************************************
par·a·dox \ˈper-ə-ˌdäks, ˈpa-rə-\

          
          a statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common 
          sense and yet is perhaps true

1.  It is a paradox that computers need maintenance so often, since they are meant to save people time.  (merriam-webster.com)

par·ent·dox  \I need one of my genius speech path friends to do 
                            this part\                                 
                            \Kelli & Gretchen are laughing right now\

the daily experience that is parenthood; seemingly living life in contradiction

          1.  It is a "parent"dox that I am exhausted pretty much all day, but the second my head hits 
          the pillow, my mind starts remembering all of the random things I need to do and I am 
          instantly wide awake.  (youreagoodmom.blogspot.com)   
 ***************************************************************************************************

Sunday Night "Parent"dox #2: My Biggest Enemy Becomes my Best Friend

I had something completely different in mind to write about for tonight's "parent"dox.  But as most things in life go, that plan went out the window as life was actually happening.

This weekend, my sister was in town for her baby shower at my house.  It was an incredibly fun, but busy day, and we finally had the chance to spend some time together after the shower was all said and done.  I sat with my hand on her belly and felt her baby...my niece...kick and move and wiggle around.  It was completely indescribable.   Different than when I could feel my own babies move, different than feeling my friends' babies move.  This was my baby sister.  And her little baby she'd soon be bringing into this world.  I've seen her and talked with her all throughout her pregnancy, but after not seeing her for 2 months, it all hit me last night as I could finally feel her little miracle pushing against my hand. 

When did she grow up?  

Where did the time go?  

How did my biggest enemy become my best friend?

When we were growing up, we used to go 'round and 'round, like most siblings do.  She was the one that took my clothes without asking.  The one who I engaged in head-to-head combat with in "Marker Wars."  (That story, my friends, is for another day...)  The one who cut the hair on my "My Time" Barbie doll.  The one who hogged the Nintendo and could always beat the next level of "Super Mario Bros." before I could.  The one who knew exactly how to drive me crazy and push my buttons without even trying.  

I, of course, never so much as spoke a harsh word to her.  Just take my word for it.  Whatever she disputes or remembers differently is neither here nor there...

She headed back home today, as she now lives out of state.  I remember a time when I would have given my Cabbage Patch Kid and my Pound Puppy to not have to spend another second in the same house, let alone the same city, as her.  Now, I am already counting the days until I get to see her next.  

She has, without a doubt, become my very best friend in the world.  After all the yelling matches, the fighting, the bickering, some (read as: my parents) would consider this a miracle.  In a million years, I never would have guessed I'd be trading those days in for long bouts of laughter, a never-ending exchange of text messages...mostly silly, and most of which any other human being on the planet wouldn't understand...and the gift of being able to know what the other is thinking by exchanging a single glance. 

She is the one person in this world who truly knows my life, my story.  She's been there for it all. (Well, minus the first 3 1/2 years.  When she came home from the hospital, I asked if she could spend the night.  The very next day, I asked if they could take her back.  I kept working that angle until I moved out.)  She knows everything about me...the good, the bad, the ugly.  I don't have to explain things to her when we talk; she just gets it.    She gets me.  The same gift she used to use for evil to annoy me, she now uses for good to support me, and to call me out when I need that, too.  It makes her the best listener this girl could ask for.

My parents used to tell us all the time... "You will be the best of friends someday."  This statement usually took place while we were supposed to be apologizing to each other for some wrong doing or after being talked to for the umpteenth time about arguing with each other.  I never believed them.  I usually rolled my eyes, sighed under my breath, or pinched my sister quickly while Mom or Dad was looking the other way.  I imagine I'll be muttering that same "best friends" statement to my own kids many times over, and they will most likely have the same reaction I did.  

Somehow, though, my parents' prediction has actually come true.

My biggest enemy has, indeed, become my best friend.

So, to my sister...You Are a Good Phenominal Mom.  I miss you.  I love you.  I can't wait to meet that sweet little niece of mine.  

And just so we're clear...even with all this mushy stuff, I continue to hold firm to my position that you should have been able to catch the softball I threw while we were playing catch in the basement.  The broken window of '92 is still on you.

My Valentine

Valentine's Day means something a little different for everyone. It is a day of friendship, of love; of telling those we love and care about that we love and care about them.  Your Valentine may be your sweet kiddo, a loyal friend, an incredible significant other.  No matter who your Valentine is today, take time to tell them you love them, you appreciate them, you care about them.  It will warm your heart and theirs in the midst of this cold, cold winter!

Happy Valentine's Day!  Valentine, You're A Good Mom!

**********************************************************************************************************
To my husband...

1.  I love you for "getting" me and all the crazy little things that make me tick.  

2.  I appreciate how you care for and love our family.  You always make us a priority, and that is clear in both your words and your actions.

3.  I am in awe of you as a dad.  It brings me more joy than you will ever know to watch you play with our kids, love our kids, teach our kids, and be a role model for our kids.  They are beyond blessed to have you as their dad.

4.  I am thankful for your unconditional love and support.  Thank you for encouraging me to try things that are new and scary, and standing by my side.

5.  I appreciate the way you look out for me, and usually know what I need before I even do.  Thank you for "kicking me out of the house" once a week to have a little time to myself and to write.  Thank you for helping me make time for the things that make me, me, and to not lose sight of who I am in the midst of the "busyness" of life.  

6.  I love that you still "date" me, even though we are just an old married couple now.  I love that our kids know Mom and Dad love each other and need time to be together and know exactly what "date night" means.  

7.  I respect how very hard you work, and the work ethic you model for our kids.  Whether its your job, your Masters classes or building cabinets in the garage, your put your all into all you do.

8.  I am thankful that you fight fair.  As my sister so wisely said at our reception, it's not all "rainbows and butterflies" but even when the dark clouds do roll in, you are willing to talk and willing to listen.  Sometimes it is after a good old-fashioned, honest-to-goodness fight, but thanks for always hanging in there with me. 

9.  I appreciate your musical talents and that you fill our house with song.  Seeing our kids sing and dance while you sing and play guitar have made for some of my very favorite family memories.  

10.  I love that you asked.  I loved that I got to say yes.

You are my own and only, my perfect provision.  Much love today and always. 

A Little Tech Support

And by little, I mean little.  As in microscopic.  

Some of you have asked about how to follow this blog, or took the time to write out a comment (thank you!!), but then weren't able to publish it to the blog (sorry!).  I thought I'd try to figure this out and share with you what I can.

Just a little background on my crazy awesome technology skills...that do not exist.  When I was a sophomore in high school, I had the mother-of-all-research-paper assignments.  As in the teacher measured the margins with a ruler.  I am not kidding.  It was a paper I had been working on for weeks and weeks, and I was in the home stretch of finally getting it done.  I simply had to format the footnotes, print it and I was in the clear.  I was working with the extremely advanced, cutting edge WordPerfect program (anyone born in the mid '80s or later will have no idea what I'm talking about...) when it came time to format the dreaded footnotes.  I tried and tried and tried to figure out what I was doing, and on the verge of tears and frustration, when my mom gave me permission to go wake up my little sister and ask her for help.  Yes, 3 1/2 years younger, but eons wiser at all things technology.  She trudged downstairs, bleary-eyed, at about midnight, looked at a couple of things, hit a series of three keystrokes, and poof! everything was good to go.  I had never been so thankful for my 7th grade sister as I was in that moment.  I'm pretty sure I told her I would drive her wherever she wanted to go for the next month after that.

I tell you this because... 

1. You might be asking yourself "Who starts a blog but then knows nothing about signing up for/following/posting comments to/running a blog?"  Um, this girl...  Sorry about that...
2. If you have any more questions about this whole process, I will do my very best to answer them, but it might take me a quick minute to reply. I will get back to you!  (see #3)
3. I will probably just end up going to ask my super smart tech-guy husband to explain it to me so I can relay the info to you.
4. To demonstrate that if I can figure this out, you can do it, too.  I promise!!

(Picture it.  My mom's computer desk.  2013.  [Yes, that was a Golden Girls reference...I am totally showing my age in this post...]  Going through this process by trying to set up an account for my mom.  Thought the visual in itself might just make you laugh!  Yet another example that moms are always and forever there for you and are willing to be the guinea pig for whatever crazy idea you come up with...)

Follow Through Blogger

1. Click on "Join This Site" blue button on the right side of the screen.  It's under "Thank You For Following YoureaGoodMom!!"
2. You will be prompted to select an account you already have, either Google, Twitter or Yahoo.  If you don't have one of those accounts, near the bottom of the screen click on the link that reads "Create a new Google Account"
3. You should be good to go!

Follow Through Email

1. Click on the white rectangle under "Follow By Email"
2. Type in your email address
3. You'll get an email sent to your inbox that you'll need to verify to begin getting updates
4. You will now get an email ONLY when a new post is made to ONLY this blog 

Post a Comment

1. Click on "No comments" (or "3 comments"...whatever it says at the time...)
2. Comment box should appears.  Type your comment.  Click on "Publish"
3. It will ask you to type a series of letters and numbers that pop up, to verify you are indeed a real, live human being
4. Voila!  Your comment should appear!
5. ***THIS JUST IN...*** Apparently there is a setting you can change so that comments can be posted by anyone.  Who knew?  Not me.  (Please see above anecdote about my mad technology skills...)  So I changed it with the simple click of a mouse.  Comments should be able to flow freely now...give it a shot! 

I cannot thank you enough for taking time in your already jam-packed, hectic day to squeeze in time to read the random thoughts I share here.  Your support and encouragement has been appreciated more than you will ever, ever know.  Thank you for coming along on this journey with me.

I really appreciate you taking the time to give this part of it a try, too!  Some people had mentioned missing when a new post was made.  If you sign up to follow this blog, either through Blogger or by email, you'll be notified whenever there is new material.  You'll also be able to invite friends to view the blog, through email, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Also, some of the comments have come only to me via email, Facebook or text because you weren't able to publish them to the blog.  Those comments have been very insightful, wise and downright funny!!  I think they would be helpful and uplifting to others, too, and it would be great if they could be posted right on the blog.  

Give it a shot...let me know how it goes...go for a "test run" and post a comment below about anything you darn well please.     

Look at you...You're A Good Mom and a technology superstar!