"Parent"dox: When Your Baby Sister is All Grown Up

Sunday Night "Parent"dox #26:  When Your Baby Sister is All Grown Up

Tomorrow is my baby sister's birthday, which makes tonight her "Birthday Eve."  

Tonight, we celebrated her birthday at her house eating pizza, cupcakes and decorating pumpkins.

While we were driving home, it hit me in very strange way...my baby sister is all grown up.  

We were at her house, with her and her husband, with a yummy dinner and fun activities for my kids to do while we there, and her adorable, sweet daughter smiling and being cuddled through all of it.

She is all grown up.  I don't know exactly when it happened, but it happened.  She is all grown up.  And even though my 13-year-old self would never, ever believe I'd ever be saying this, she turned out pretty awesome.  

For her birthday, I'm sharing the speech I gave at her wedding reception just under 3 years ago.  

Happy Birthday, Baby Sis!  I love you!! ****************************************************************************************
What an amazing day for two amazing people!  The reception looks amazing, and the ceremony was beautiful.  Now you know, Katie, Brian has had to listen to you and agree with you a lot during this whole wedding planning process.  So don't worry if Brian doesn't listen to you or agree with you after today...you do realize that you are allowed to have 15 more husbands. I even heard Father Andy say so at the ceremony today. Remember? FOUR better, FOUR worse, FOUR richer, and FOUR poorer!!  (Although I do think he is THE BEST and only ONE you will ever need!

It’s hard to believe my “little sister’s” wedding day is here!  Growing up, I think we disagreed just that one time...or maybe more than once...I don't exactly remember, but I do remember both Mom and Dad telling us "You only have one sister.  You better work it out.  Someday, she will be your best friend!"  I remember rolling my eyes and mumbling lots of things under my breath more than once about that mantra as it was drilled into our heads.  I also remember thinking "I only have one sister....THANK GOD!" on more than one occasion.  

And it started early!  Like when you were born, and came home from the hospital and I asked if you could spend the night at our house…then asked the very next day if Mom and Dad could PLEASE take you back now.  And I thought THANK GOD I only have one sister when we were playing catch in the basement, and instead of catching the ball, you decided to duck, and the softball shattered the window.  And I thought THANK GOD I only have one sister when we attacked each other with markers, covering each other from head to toe, in the battle that came to be know in our house simply as “Marker Wars.” 

And I hate to say it, but this has to be music to Mom and Dad's ears:  You were right.....YES, MOM AND DAD, YOU…WERE…RIGHT, My little sister has indeed become my best friend.  A lot has changed in the 28 years we've spent together, but my thought is still the same...THANK GOD I have one sister.  I THANK GOD for giving me the gift of a sister and best friend.  

Someone who is smart, hilarious, beautiful, both inside and out, who will laugh with me, cry with me, listen to me, tell me the truth, not just what I want to hear, and be there for me for always.  THANK GOD I have a sister who is the one person who has truly gone through life with me, the ups and the downs, and understands things about who I am and why I am a little bit crazy, in a way no one else can.  THANK GOD I have a sister who knows what I am thinking without exchanging words, just exchanging a glance.  THANK GOD I have a sister to call, or who can call me, when no one else understands what's going on.  THANK GOD I have a sister who let me (well, I guess "let me" is a relative term...) boss her around teaching her dances and making her do "shows", a sister who will help wrap a Christmas gift at 2am by throwing it in a box with a blanket and brick, a sister who will create masterpieces out of Triscuits and Easy Cheese.  And now seeing my children begin to play with each other, interact with each other, and love each other, I THANK GOD even more I had a sister and I realize a relationship with a sibling is not one to be taken for granted.

Today, I THANK GOD again, but this time for the amazing man He has chosen as my "little sister's" husband.  Brian, welcome to our crazy family, and good luck. From the time you and Katie started dating...again...I think we have ALL been hoping and praying this day would come! (And it actually arrived a week sooner than we originally thought...even better.)

You are a man of character and integrity, and you get my sister (yup, after today she's all yours....)  No, really, you GET my sister, and it warms my heart to know she is marrying a man who sees her and loves her for who she really is.  She is so happy, and is completely and totally herself, when she is with you.  She has a twinkle in her eye, a bounce in her step, and genuine happiness in her laugh since you came into her life.   I also THANK GOD for the incredible family Katie is joining today.  They are an amazing family, who are caring, hilarious and will keep a good eye on her.  They have been nothing but welcoming to her and our entire family.  It truly feels like today is a union of not just two people, but two families. 

Katie, I haven't told you nearly enough, but I have always looked up to you.  I know I'm the big sister, and I was the one who was supposed to be "teaching you things" but I feel like I have learned far more from you than I ever taught you.  I have always been amazed by your ability to make the best of any situation, your ability to put other people at ease, your ability to go with the flow, and your incredible talent to make people laugh.  You speak your mind and say the things that need to be said, and you do it with humor and grace.  You are so very outgoing, and you have the kind of magnetic personality that people are drawn to.  You never cease to amaze me.  You make me laugh whenever we are together.  

You have been so many things to so many people: daughter, granddaughter, sister, niece, cousin, aunt, sister-in-law, friend, fiancée, manager; and today you take on new roles....bride, wife, daughter-in-law.  You have handled these roles with kindness, commitment and love, and I know as you will continue to do so now as you begin this new chapter of life.  It is an honor to be standing next to you today, and it is an honor to see you marry your best friend in the same dress that I married my best friend in 6 1/2 years ago. 

Katie and Brian, it is simply awesome to around the two of you together.  You demonstrate that "once in a lifetime" kind of love and friendship that is rare and beautiful.  You bring out the best in one another, and support and encourage one another. It is so exciting to think about what your future together holds (hopefully lots of cousins for my kids....I'm just sayin'....) and the many lives you will both continue to touch and uplift.  

There will be tough times, and it won't always be easy, but take a minute and look around this room.  Look at all of the family and friends that are here in this room, and think of those family and friends that are here with you in spirit today, including angel Grandmas and Grandpas.  We are all here for you, in both good times and in bad times, to support you along your journey, and encourage you when times do get tough.  First and foremost, you have God, you have one another, but always remember, you have all of us.  You are never, NEVER alone.  You are both so very, very loved, today and always. 

So if you'll raise your glasses, I think it is fitting to close with this Irish Wedding Blessing:  May God be with you and bless you.  May you see your children's children.  May you be poor in misfortunes and rich in blessings.  May you know nothing but happiness from this day forward.

Slainte!

*******************************************************************************************************

To my baby sister, You Are a Good Mom.  You Are an Amazing Mom.  You Are an Incredible Mom.  I still THANK GOD that you are my sister, my children's aunt, and my niece's mom.  

*******************************************************************************************************

If you haven't already, be sure to stop by and check out the "You're a Good Mom" page on Facebook.  "Like" it and any new blog posts will be delivered right to your news feed!  Thanks!!

"I love you more today..." Really?

"I love you more today than the day I married you."

We've all heard people say it.  But come on...

Really?

I mean it's a lovely sentiment and all, but really?

Really?

Most wedding days are magical and whimsical and produce love-induced comas and are basically pretty hard to top.

So, yeah, we get it...you're still in in love and all, but "more today?"  

Really?  

My own wedding day was nine years ago today, and it is full of moments I will never, ever forget.  

I woke up at 4:38am in my bed at my mom's house.  No alarm or anything.  And I could not, could not, go back to bed.  It was not for lack of trying.  I tossed.  I turned.  I tried to lay still and just drift back to sleep, but I couldn't.   I was so beyond excited for that day to start.  I got to marry my best friend and then have a party with our family and friends in a matter of hours.  The day simply couldn't  begin soon enough!  At 6:00am, when I figured out there was no way any type of sleep was in my future, I did hop out of bed and open a few wedding gifts that had been sent to my mom's house, and finally decided that 6:30am would be at least a reasonable time to be up and around, without making my mom wonder if I was crazy or something was wrong.

I remember seeing him for the very first time that day.  We took pictures before the ceremony began, so the very first time we saw each other on our wedding day, it was simply the two of us and the photographer in the sanctuary.  My groom was waiting at the altar, and I walked down the aisle to meet him.  When I was about 20 feet away, the photographer said, "Trevor, you may turn around and see your bride."  I will never forget the moment he turned around and our eyes met, or the butterflies I felt at that moment.  I was undeniably, without a doubt, the luckiest girl in the world.

Our day was absolutely perfect.  The ceremony was beautiful.  The reception was amazing.   That is not to say everything went off without a hitch...there were lots of 'hitches' along the way, but it didn't matter.  I was so head over heels in love, nothing could have phased me that day.  I remember telling everyone I loved them at the reception when I saw them throughout the night.  Because I did.  I truly did.  I was so overwhelmingly full of love, I felt like I needed to tell everyone how much I loved them and how thankful I was they were there to share in that special day with us.

There was a whole lot of love going on that day, and all the rainbows and butterflies and wedding business to make it almost a 'surreal' love.

"I love you more today than the day I married you."

Really?

We're nine years in.

A lot has happened.  A lot has changed.

We moved into a rental house, then out of a rental house.  We bought our own house.  

We began jobs that became careers.  And saw changes from one job to another.  We saw each other through finishing our masters' degrees.  

We went to Mexico.  And Ireland.  And Italy.  And learned how to completely lean on one another to figure things out and navigate our way in a foreign place.  

We traded in college cars for cars that actually worked.  And then cars that got better fuel mileage.  And then cars that would hold car seats.  

We became parents.  Together.  I could not imagine sharing that experience and that exact moment when our son was placed in our arms with anyone else.  Then we became parents again.  And again, I could not imagine walking that journey with anyone else.

Now when I wake up at 4:38am, it's because one of our children is having a night terror or wet the bed, and I long for the second I can fall back asleep.  Slightly different than nine years ago...

As parents, we've had to figure out this whole "marriage" thing all over again and how to parent together and how to make it all work.  Most days it does, some days it doesn't.  But we are learning.  Together.  

We lost your mom.  We experienced grief and mourning together.  I didn't always know the right words.  All I wanted to do was take your pain away.  Sometimes I still wish I could.  But we journeyed that difficult road together.

We've celebrated nine Christmases, nine Easters, nine birthdays, nine Valentine's Days and now nine anniversaries.  

A lot has happened in nine years.  A lot has changed in nine years.

But here's the weird thing about all that stuff...we've done it together.

Together.

It's part of our story.  

Of our family.  

All of that is now part of us, and who we are.

Together.

It hasn't always been easy, but what I look at what we've done together, what we've supported each other through, what we've built together, and I know our love is stronger because of it.  I know it is a love that can withstand hard times and challenges.  It was an amazing love nine years ago when I said "I do," but it has become a stronger, deeper, even more amazing love today.

So, yes, really.  

I love you more today than I did nine years ago, when on this very day I said "I do."  

I meant it then, and I mean it even more now.  I still do.  And I would say "I do" in a heartbeat if I had it all to do over again.  

We have grown together.  We have laughed together.  We have cried together.  We have made a life together.  We have talked, even when it was hard.  We have listened, even when it was harder.  We have had great joys and blessings beyond anything we could have hoped or dreamed for nine years ago.

You are my perfect provision.  You are my own and only.  You are my best my friend.

I love you more today than the day I married you.

Really, really.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel so lucky to have a husband who believes in me as a wife, as a mother, as a person.  You're a Good Mom.  To my husband, thank you for reminding me of these words when I forget them myself, and for helping me to believe them.  


******************************************************************************************

If you haven't already, be sure to stop by and check out the "You're a Good Mom" page on Facebook.  "Like" it and any new blog posts will be delivered right to your news feed!  Thanks!!

Good Moms are Everywhere

This is a guest post (how much fun was that to write?!) written by my dear, dear friend Trish Lopucki.  

I'm not kidding when I tell you that very soon, you'll be reading the young adult books she's written with your kids or talking about them with your kids or just reading them yourself because you love them so much and can't put them down.  She is an incredible writer, with incredible books on the way to share with the world.  (If anyone out there knows an agent, send them her way...)  You'll have this little flashback that goes something like "Trish Lopucki...where have I heard that name before?" and it will have been here.  On this blog post.  

I love her.  I love this piece she wrote.  I love that she was willing to share it with me.  I hope you love it, too.

*********************************************************************************************

There are three circumstances in life where your level of patience must test near saintly.

Gridlock traffic. The DMV.  And any minute experienced at an airport.

I’m sitting on a plane, about to leave New York City.  Lucky me – I arrived at the airport, made it through security, and found my seat on the aircraft with zeroproblems. (If you ever find yourself thinking these samethoughts, redirect immediately.  It’s undoubtedly at this point that all goes wrong.)
  

It has now been two hours since I boarded. It was our turn to go next, and we had to pull over for a “quick” maintenance check, putting us at the back of the line.

None of this explanation is for you to feel bad for me. Air travel insanity is par for the course these days. If you walk into an airport feeling cranky, do everyone a favor and change your ticket. No one wants to deal with you.  We’re all in the same boat.

At any rate… Do you know who the most incredible person is on this flight? The adorable mother behind me in the last row of the plane with her two young boys, (I’m guessing twin three year olds.)  This saint has read them stories about dragons, rationed snacks, counted planes, and created almost every game possible to pacify two unhappy children.

I applaud the fact that she pulled out the iPad after two hours of made-up games to let them watch a show.  There is only so much you can do to entertain a restless child.  At that point, all airline technology rules are out the window, if you ask me.

Did I mention that the air spewing from the overhead jets is at least 85 degrees? I’m about to break down and cry! How is this incredible woman keeping them quiet??? Looking out my window, I thought…

She’s a good mom.

I’m about three minutes away from asking if she’ll share some fruit snacks with me so I don’t lose it.

She’s a good mom.

Her “mom voice” only broke out maybe twice in this two-hour swelter of confined boredom.  Any longer, andmy mom voice is going to take it out on air traffic control.

She’s a good mom.

And someone should tell her.

So I’m going to.

A business card ad fell out of the Skymall magazine I’d leafed through for the third time as I was thinking about this wonderful mom sitting behind me. So I entertained myself by drawing this and handing it to her.

Someone looked at Carrie in the grocery store and told her, “You’re a good mom,” and it inspired her to write this blog.  For me, her writing is a reminder of how often moms actually need to hear this.  So, thank you Carrie... I’m paying it forward.

And to the lady behind me on the plane – I’m genuinely impressed.

**********************************************************************************************

I'm not gonna lie.  I actually teared up when I read this piece when Trish emailed it to me out of the blue.  I know part of it is because she is such a dear friend.  And part of it is because I love reading anything she writes.  But a big part of it was knowing how she reacted in that situation, and how she "paid it forward" to another Mom.

Would you be willing to pay it forward?  

The next time you see a Mom being present with her kids, playing with her kids, laughing with her kids, would you be willing to pass those four little words on to her?  You're a Good Mom.  She may need to hear them more than you know.  

The next time you see a Mom whose kids are pushing every button imaginable or who is digging into her patience reserves or who just simply needs to be lifted up, would you be willing to pass on those four little words on to her?  You're a Good Mom.  She may need to hear them more than you know.

The next time you see a Mom who is beaming proudly as she talks about her grandchildren, or is getting ready to send her 'baby' off to college or is delighting in the young adults her kids are growing up to be, would you be willing to pass on those four little words on to her?  You're a Good Mom.  She may need to hear them more than you know.

The next time you see a Mom who is brand new to motherhood and is second-guessing every decision she makes and hasn't slept more than 3 hours at a time, would you be willing to pass on those four little words on to her?  You're a Good Mom.  She may need to hear them more than you know.

Maybe it's simply forwarding this post to a Mom who needs a little encouragement today, or sharing it with a Mom you know that you've always thought the world of, but never put it into words and told her.

Four little words.  But they can make all the difference in the world.  They did for me.

Would you be willing to make a difference for another Mom?  

******************************************************************************************

If you haven't already, be sure to stop by and check out the "You're a Good Mom" page on Facebook.  "Like" it and any new blog posts will be delivered right to your news feed!  Thanks!!

Thoughts On Becoming an Aunt

Happy One Week Birthday, Baby Hazel!!

One week ago today, I was waiting for the arrival of my beautiful niece.  It recently came to my attention that while I wrote about the waiting part, I never updated anyone on the arrival part. Just in case you were worried, my sister has not been in labor for the past 7 days.  She did, indeed, have her sweet baby girl!  

My niece was actually born about 30 minutes after I published my post about waiting.  I think it was her way of saying "This is the first of many, many times I will prove you wrong.  Go ahead and write about waiting, but I'm actually on my way here right now.  Just remember, I'm the one calling the shots here, Aunt Carrie."

I know I'm only a week into this whole aunt gig, but so far, it's pretty awesome.  Some of my "new aunt thoughts" thus far...

1. For every time I've had to say "no" to my own children, I will get to say "yes" a bazillion times over to my niece.
2. I will have a little girl to spoil ridiculously with all kinds of tiny outfits and barrettes and shoes and dresses and socks and tights and...
3. I can give her as many cookies as she wants at family Christmas before I get busted by her parents.
4. I get to hold and cuddle and rock a tiny little bundle of joy, but I also get to sleep at night.  (This may not actually be as true in real life as it is in theory.  My almost 3-year-old is having night terrors nearly every night, so there is not much sleep happening at our house right now.  But, I am not waking up to feed a baby, so there's that...)
5. I get to teach my niece lots of new things.  This makes me especially excited when I think back to all the things my sister has taught her niece and nephew.  My children now refer to "barking spiders" every time any type of wind escapes their little buns.  They also point out every single possible combination of blue and maize they can find, even to the extent that my son refused to eat two orange and brown M & M's I gave him because they were "not Michigan colors, Mom!"  Oh, how I cannot wait to teach my niece new things, too!
6. I can defer to her parents when she fills her diaper, spits up everywhere or needs to eat.
7. For the first time in 5 years, there will be a little one that I can play with and laugh with and dance with all I want, but don't have to be accountable for handling any crying, whining, arguing or disobeying.  (Don't worry, Katie, I'm sure she won't do any of those things.  Ever.  Purely hypothetical...)

I'm actually considering having a t-shirt created that says:

"Aunt:  All of the fun, none of the responsibility!" 

Let me know what size and color you would like yours printed in.

In all honesty, though, I am over-the-moon excited to walk alongside my sister in this grand adventure of parenting.  I am eager to support and help and be there for her, my brother-in-law and niece every step of the way.  I am excited for her to experience all that Motherhood has to offer.  She may have moments and experiences that intersect with mine; but I know her journey will also be full of moments and experiences that are entirely hers.  I am lucky that I will get to learn from her for years and years to come.

Throughout my sister's pregnancy,  I had a lot of "aunt" thoughts.  I thought about meeting my niece for the very first time.  I thought about holding her, snuggled in my arms.  I thought I had this whole "aunt" thing pretty well figured out.  I had already been down the Mom road and had two children of my own...how much different could this "aunt" thing really be?

But come time find out, there was also a lot that I didn't think about until that moment when life changed for our entire family at 2:05pm last Friday. 

I didn't think it was possible to be so proud of my little sister.

I didn't think it would be so so hard to say goodbye when it came time to leave and head back home, 3 hours away.

I didn't think I could be so much in love with someone else's baby.

I didn't think seeing my niece in an outfit my daughter wore when she was only days old would transport me back in time so quickly. 

I didn't think I would love talking about all things baby and mom-related with my sister, especially the "no one else will tell you this or discuss this with you unless you are sisters" stuff.

I didn't think about the gift it would be to watch my own parents be grandparents all over again.

I didn't think about how I would feel even closer with my sister when she stepped into the role of "mom" herself.  

I didn't think becoming an aunt would change my heart, my life, in the ways it already has.

You Are a Good Mom, even when you're not "the" mom.  Loving every single moment of being an aunt!  

*******************************************************************************************************
If you haven't already, be sure to stop by and check out the "You're a Good Mom" page on Facebook.  "Like" it and any new blog posts will be delivered right to your news feed!  Thanks!

Still best friends...at least for now!

My son made this picture for his sister today.  I guess I get to live in my own little dreamworld and think they're best friends for a little while longer... :)

I think he must have read my last post about siblings... 

"Parent"dox: My Biggest Enemy Becomes my Best Friend

***************************************************************************************************
par·a·dox \ˈper-ə-ˌdäks, ˈpa-rə-\

          
          a statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common 
          sense and yet is perhaps true

1.  It is a paradox that computers need maintenance so often, since they are meant to save people time.  (merriam-webster.com)

par·ent·dox  \I need one of my genius speech path friends to do 
                            this part\                                 
                            \Kelli & Gretchen are laughing right now\

the daily experience that is parenthood; seemingly living life in contradiction

          1.  It is a "parent"dox that I am exhausted pretty much all day, but the second my head hits 
          the pillow, my mind starts remembering all of the random things I need to do and I am 
          instantly wide awake.  (youreagoodmom.blogspot.com)   
 ***************************************************************************************************

Sunday Night "Parent"dox #2: My Biggest Enemy Becomes my Best Friend

I had something completely different in mind to write about for tonight's "parent"dox.  But as most things in life go, that plan went out the window as life was actually happening.

This weekend, my sister was in town for her baby shower at my house.  It was an incredibly fun, but busy day, and we finally had the chance to spend some time together after the shower was all said and done.  I sat with my hand on her belly and felt her baby...my niece...kick and move and wiggle around.  It was completely indescribable.   Different than when I could feel my own babies move, different than feeling my friends' babies move.  This was my baby sister.  And her little baby she'd soon be bringing into this world.  I've seen her and talked with her all throughout her pregnancy, but after not seeing her for 2 months, it all hit me last night as I could finally feel her little miracle pushing against my hand. 

When did she grow up?  

Where did the time go?  

How did my biggest enemy become my best friend?

When we were growing up, we used to go 'round and 'round, like most siblings do.  She was the one that took my clothes without asking.  The one who I engaged in head-to-head combat with in "Marker Wars."  (That story, my friends, is for another day...)  The one who cut the hair on my "My Time" Barbie doll.  The one who hogged the Nintendo and could always beat the next level of "Super Mario Bros." before I could.  The one who knew exactly how to drive me crazy and push my buttons without even trying.  

I, of course, never so much as spoke a harsh word to her.  Just take my word for it.  Whatever she disputes or remembers differently is neither here nor there...

She headed back home today, as she now lives out of state.  I remember a time when I would have given my Cabbage Patch Kid and my Pound Puppy to not have to spend another second in the same house, let alone the same city, as her.  Now, I am already counting the days until I get to see her next.  

She has, without a doubt, become my very best friend in the world.  After all the yelling matches, the fighting, the bickering, some (read as: my parents) would consider this a miracle.  In a million years, I never would have guessed I'd be trading those days in for long bouts of laughter, a never-ending exchange of text messages...mostly silly, and most of which any other human being on the planet wouldn't understand...and the gift of being able to know what the other is thinking by exchanging a single glance. 

She is the one person in this world who truly knows my life, my story.  She's been there for it all. (Well, minus the first 3 1/2 years.  When she came home from the hospital, I asked if she could spend the night.  The very next day, I asked if they could take her back.  I kept working that angle until I moved out.)  She knows everything about me...the good, the bad, the ugly.  I don't have to explain things to her when we talk; she just gets it.    She gets me.  The same gift she used to use for evil to annoy me, she now uses for good to support me, and to call me out when I need that, too.  It makes her the best listener this girl could ask for.

My parents used to tell us all the time... "You will be the best of friends someday."  This statement usually took place while we were supposed to be apologizing to each other for some wrong doing or after being talked to for the umpteenth time about arguing with each other.  I never believed them.  I usually rolled my eyes, sighed under my breath, or pinched my sister quickly while Mom or Dad was looking the other way.  I imagine I'll be muttering that same "best friends" statement to my own kids many times over, and they will most likely have the same reaction I did.  

Somehow, though, my parents' prediction has actually come true.

My biggest enemy has, indeed, become my best friend.

So, to my sister...You Are a Good Phenominal Mom.  I miss you.  I love you.  I can't wait to meet that sweet little niece of mine.  

And just so we're clear...even with all this mushy stuff, I continue to hold firm to my position that you should have been able to catch the softball I threw while we were playing catch in the basement.  The broken window of '92 is still on you.