Sunday, March 10, 2013

"Parent"dox: Clean Shirts Mean Messy Days

Sunday Night "Parent"dox #4: Clean Shirts Mean Messy Days
I've told my kids time and time again, "If you're messy, it means you're having fun!"  So much so that they now repeat this phrase back to me.  

And boy do my kids know how to have fun...

But why is it that whenever I put my kids in old, already stained clothes, they are able to have an entirely spotless day?  It is truly some sort of unexplained miracle that they can go a day without encountering some form of food splatter, paint splatter or mud splatter, but the "old clothes" days are without fail the days when they can pull it off.  The second, however, I put them in anything new or anything white, stains and messes are literally drawn to them like moths to the flame.

I should no longer be surprised by this.  You would think I would learn, but alas, I have not.

White shirt for my son?  Guaranteed he will be finger painting at preschool that day.

New shirt for my daughter?  She will be inevitably wearing spaghetti sauce by the end of the night.  And we won't even have had spaghetti that day... 

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you the photographic evidence below.  The other night I looked at both my kids shirts after they whipped them off to get their PJs on, and stumbled into this "parent"dox.  I snapped a quick pic before spraying them down with half a bottle of OxiClean and tossing them in the washing machine.  (The clothes...not the kids...)

Exhibit A: My 4-year-old son's shirt.  Please note that the ONLY part of the shirt that is at all dirty are the white sleeves.  

Exhibit B:  My 2-year-old daughter's shirt.  It is both white and new.  Double whammy.  It is covered in God knows what.  

Yes, Aunt Kaite, I know these are both Christmas gifts from you and Uncle Brian...which is part of the "parent"dox.  I will do my very best to OxiClean them to death and bring them back to (or close to) their original grandeur.  The silver lining?  If I can't get the stains out, it simply means they will never spill on them again.  Ever.  

The second they are stained beyond repair, they will somehow grow a kind of "Already Stained Scotchguard" layer.  Jelly will never dribble out of a PB & J sandwich smack dab in the middle of the shirt.  In some crazy shift of gravity for 2.3 seconds, it will undoubtedly actually fall to the plate below.  An art project at school will never happen while wearing said shirt.  Even if it was planned, the teacher will run out of time that day, and have to do it another day...when a new and/or white shirt is being worn.

Dreft, OxiClean, Tide, All, Clorox, Shout, Spray 'n are well-versed in them all, and You Are a Good Mom.  

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