An Open Letter: To All the Parents Who Now Find Themselves "Doing School" With Their Kids,

To all the parents who now find themselves “doing school” with their kids,

I have spent more hours than I can even begin to count writing lesson plans over my 18-year teaching career.  

But I have a confession to make. A secret to reveal.  One that all teachers know.  

Most of my day-to-day lesson plans don’t actually go as planned. 

There are almost always tweaks along the way -- things that totally failed and I try differently the next time or happy surprises that come along and completely change what I had written down in my lesson plan book for the better.

If I’m being honest, most of my very best lessons have actually been the ones where I have “punted,” made on the fly decisions and followed where the kids were leading.  This is because what I write down on paper is what I plan in my head, but it is missing one key element: the kids.  The real live actual human kids who I have the privilege of teaching each and every day.

I say this because you may have the very best plan on paper for what "school" is going to look like at home in the weeks ahead, but when you put your actual real live kids into the mix, that may change quite a bit.  

And that is ok.

I’ve been a teacher for 18 years and I’m trying to figure out how to "do school" at home with my own 4th and 6th grader now. (And I taught 4th grade for 10 of those years...)  I have the best intentions and plans in my head and even down on paper in some cases, and I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this.

This is hard for everyone. This is new for everyone.

Everyone is trying their very best.  That is going to look different for every single person, every single day.  There are so many color coded charts and systems and structures going around right now.  If that works for you and your kids, lean into that.  Use it.  Use it to help guide you through this unknown time.

But if that doesn't work for you and your kids, please know that is ok.  

If you made one of those beautiful color coded charts, and then tried to put it in to practice, and found out your kids aren't so "color-coded" right now and don't really care much what your chart or schedule says, please know that is ok, too.

Remember that whole "actual real live kids" thing?

Learning happens in so many different ways. Some traditional. Some non-traditional.  Some things with learn with our heads. Some things we learn with our hearts.  Some things happen step by step, just as we think they will.  Some things take major twists and turns along the way.

That's all ok, too.

Keep talking with your kids. Keep loving on them. Keep listening to them.  

This is new and unknown and unsettling for them, too.  They miss their friends.  They miss their teachers.  They miss their activities that keep getting cancelled farther and farther into the future.  They don't know when all this will end, and the people they usually go to with questions don't have solid answers for them.

They have a lot of big feelings, and those probably won't come out nice and neat.  It may come out in tears over something that doesn't seem "tear-worthy."  It may come out as complete and total silly goofiness and laughter over something not all that funny.  It may come out as driving their sibling (or you...) absolutely crazy just because it is something they feel like they can control in that moment.

That's the part to listen to.  The words they aren't saying.  But what their actions are saying. I'm anxious.  I'm bored.  I'm scared.  I'm annoyed.  I'm disappointed.  I'm frustrated.  I'm worried.  They may not be able to tell you this or want to tell you this or know how to verbalize this, but it's there.  Those feelings are there.  We just have to know how to listen.

Give them grace. Give yourself grace.

Trust yourself.  You know your kids.  You know yourself.  You know your family dynamic.  You know when to push and when to back off.  You know when it would be best for everyone to grab a book and read, and when it would best for everyone to pile on the couch and watch Frozen 2 for the thirteenth time.  You know when it's a good time to sit down and try some of those math problems and when it's a good time to sit around in your pajamas and finish another box of Girl Scout cookies together.

They will be ok if they don't follow a color coded learning schedule.  They will still be learning on their own schedule and in their own way.  

They will also be ok if they do follow a color coded learning schedule if that is what feels safe and familiar for them right now.  They may be craving routine and predictability and that may be what provides it.

Either way, let's support each other through this.  Be kind to each other.  And be kind to yourself.  Don't use social media as a some kind of imaginary, unachievable measuring stick.  Don't think everyone else has it all together because of a few pictures or moments or ideas captured on Instagram or Facebook.  I'm hear to tell you they don't.  I don't.  Don't be too hard on yourself when the day has not gone how you thought it would or how you planned it would.  

Remember, some of the very best lessons are the ones that don't go as originally planned.

And honestly? The best part of all those lesson plans are always the real, live, actual kids, anyway.

You Are a Good Mom.  You are not alone. We will get through this together.

(I mean 6 feet apart from everyone else, but you know what I mean... 😉)

Much love,
A Teacher Mom