Until I Became a Mom

There were a lot of things I thought I knew about being a Mom before I became a Mom.  But come to find out, there were actually a lot of things I didn't know -- things no one could have just "told" me; things I had to experience for myself -- until I became a Mom.

Until I became a Mom, I didn't know...

...I'd run a full dishwasher on a daily basis.

...it would become commonplace to remove boogers from someone's nose other than my own.

...so many of my conversations would be about poop or pee...when, how much, what color...

..."nap time" would be the two sweetest words my tired ears could hope to hear.

...I'd keep my 2-year-old company by sitting on the bathroom floor and reading her books as she sat on the potty, and I'd actually be excited that day had arrived.  

...my decisions would carry such weight; not just for me, but for my children and my family, too.

Until I became a Mom, I didn't know...

...the theme song from "Wonder Pets" and "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" would be sung nearly 'round the clock in my house...frequently, by me.

...just how difficult, yet important, carving out time for myself; time with my husband; time with my girlfriends would be in maintaining my own sanity.

...I'd hear my mother's words coming out of my own mouth.

...I would spend the night in a steam-filled bathroom with my croupy 4-year-old to make sure he could breathe, and I'd be full of worry and compassion, not frustration and impatience.

...there would permanently be Cheerios or graham cracker crumbs in some part of my house or car at any given time.

...I would want so badly to  be able to take someone else's pain away and make it my own.

...the laundry would never, ever be "done" again.

Until I became a Mom, I didn't know...

...I would purposefully take the "long way" home, based on the sliver of hope that the extra time in the car would get my infant to fall asleep.

...I'd be able to have my heart nearly burst with love and adoration, just watching someone sleep.

...I could be out-negotiated and out-stubborned by a toddler.

...reading the words "I love you, Mom" in preschooler script could completely melt my heart.

...that 7:00am would now be considered "sleeping in."

Until I became a Mom, I didn't know...

...sometimes just taking a shower would be a victory for the day.

...I would laugh out loud everyday, just from the things my kids would say and do.

...I'd be wearing maternity clothes long after that baby was here and in my arms.   

...that Popsicles and Band-Aids can fix just about anything.

...how hard it would be, how rewarding it would be, how exhausting it would be, how amazing it would be and how nothing else on earth could truly prepare me for all that it meant to answer to the title of "Mom."

Until I became a Mom, I didn't know...

...a piece of my heart would now forever live outside of me.

Until I became a Mom, I had no idea just how precious those words -- You Are a Good Mom -- would be, and how I would carry them with me long after hearing them.  I didn't know how much I'd need to hear them, to remind myself of them, especially in the moments when I least felt like I was living up to them.  

Whether you are desperately in of need them today, or they are just a happy reminder, from the very bottom of my heart to yours, please know You Are a Good Mom.

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What things did you not know until you became a Mom (or Dad)?  Write in the "post a comment" box below, or click on "# comments" and a comment box to write in will open so you can add yours to the list.  Thanks so much for taking the time to share! (Feel free to share any other thoughts, feelings or reactions to this post, too!)

In the Trenches

I was the most amazingly incredible Mom...

...and then I actually had kids.

Prior to actually being a Mom, I knew exactly how to be an amazingly incredible Mom.  I had everything worked out.  My kids would always be calm and polite, be served only the healthiest of meals, respond positively and thankfully to all of the parental wisdom I would impart on them, and most definitely never throw a tantrum in a public place.  If I ever was going to write a book, I should have done it before having kids because I had all the answers then.  It was so very easy when everything was hypothetical, and the children I was "raising" were imaginary.  

And then I had real, live children I was really responsible for living in my house.  All the time.  And all of those "answers" went out the window.  

I was now "in the trenches."

I love this sentiment, as it was so beautifully and genuinely illustrated in one of my all-time favorite shows, Parenthood.  We started watching it OnDemand shortly after my daughter was born.  I think it is the only show I can honestly say that I've seen every single episode of.  I could write an entire post (or two or three...) about how much I love it -- the dialogue, the acting, the storylines -- but I will cut it short here.  If you don't watch it, you need to.  Google it.  Start watching it online.  Like right now...this post will be here when you get back, I promise.

The "in the trenches" line comes up in one of my very favorite honest mom-to-mom parenting scenes.  I'll paraphrase, which is a horrible, horrible injustice to the show.  (For real, you need to watch it.)  Anyway, here's my weak attempt to relay a quick summary of the scene.

Julia comes to Kristina and is seeking advice on how to help motivate her son to do his homework.  You're expecting to be privy to this insightful, deep, philosophical wise parenting conversation that is about to occur between sister and sister-in-law.  The next thing you see is Kristina ducking below her kitchen counter and pulling up a huge tub, full of containers of all shapes and sizes filled with candy.  The conversation goes something like this... 

"Two words: incentive system.  Homework done?   Five gummy bears.  Room picked up?  Two Twizzlers.  Trash out?  Six M & Ms.  And don't you feel guilty.  Don't you feel guilty for one second.  You are in the trenches.  You gotta do what you gotta do."

The thing I love about this scene is how it sums up how we all have these things that we never, ever though we'd ever do as parents.  Why?  Because our hypothetical, imaginary children would never (fill in the blank).    

Sorry to say, but oh yes they will.  And then some.  Any my kids are still little...yikes...

And you will pull your hair out trying to figure out what to do.  When you are in the trenches, all bets are off.  You just have to figure out what works best for you and your child and your family in that moment, and sometimes that means compromising your previously "perfect" parent ideals.  

Don't you feel guilty.  Not for one second.  You are in the trenches.

Ultimately, whatever decision you make and whatever course of action you take is coming from a place of love.  That is what really matters.  We are so hard on ourselves and put so much pressure on ourselves to do "the right thing," somehow thinking there is only one "right thing."  The truth is, every child, every parent, every situation is different.  There are a million and one different "right things."  

The person in the checkout line giving you a dirty look as your child starts whining and crying and you frantically look for Goldfish Crackers in your diaper bag has no idea what your day has been like up to that point.  Don't you feel guilty.  Not for one second.  You are in the trenches.  

The person at the playground who looks at you condescendingly as you pick up the pacifier off the ground, wipe it off and hand it to your kiddo is not in charge of your child's health and well-being.  Don't you feel guilty.  Not for one second.  You are in the trenches.  

The person who rolls their eyes as you try to calm and quiet your crying baby at church with every toy, gadget, and set of car keys that are now being shoved in baby's mouth doesn't have any idea how much it took to get everyone up and out the door that morning.  Don't you feel guilty.  Not for one second.  You are in the trenches.  

You are in the trenches, day in and day out, and you are doing an amazingly incredible job.  You are not perfect.  You are not supposed to be.  That went out the window the second that child came into your life.  Where is the fun in that, anyway?  Given the choice of perfect parenting ideals or being in the trenches, I'll take trenches with my family every single time.  

Trust yourself; trust your decisions.  Don't you feel guilty.  Not for one second.  You Are a Good Mom.